6th March 2009
Questions still answer-less...

Me: Hey, E, erm. Ok, nothing.
E: What? You have something to ask me about right? Frankly, I think I know what you want to ask me.
Me: Really? Nothing, actually...
E: You wanted to ask, why was the last time i did IT with my ex a month ago right though by then i was with C already yeah?
(Thats why I say we are best friends. She can read me like a BOOK.)
Me: OhMyGod, yeah. Thats been in my mind since, last month? Its been bothering me, actually. I mean, you have no reason to keep it from me, right? You know I'd listen. But if you dont want to say its ok. I know its not the best time to talk about these things.
E: You know what? The only reason why I kept it from you is that I dont want to create anymore misunderstandings. I dont want to lose my best friend just over a small mistake like that. I was afraid you would change your perception of me.
Me: You should know me well enough to know that i wouldnt, Ellie!
E: You remember the last time I told you about Cameron going out with Sally and lied to me he was with his bunch of male friends? I was really mad with him for lying to me, so I went down to Clarke Quay alone, only to bump into Dennis looking suave and all. I was gulping hard liquor like it was plain water, and the next thing I knew, i was on his bed. Naked. I dont know what came over me, seriously.
Me: erh, ...

Before I could answer her question, her number was called. God, you dont know how thankful I was for that timely call. I just didnt know what to answer her in that split second. Not that I am intimidated, disgusted or whatsoever by what she did, I just dont know what to reply her. I gave E's hand a squeeze just when she stood up to enter the room to tell her that whatever happends, I am always there for her. She forced a smile, and I could see from her face that she was really nervous. I mean, who wouldnt be? And frankly, I am probably just as nervous as she is.

The result taking and post counselling took long. Very much longer than the first time when she was diagnosed HIV-. My thoughts ran wild. I tried to suppress those wrong, negative thoughts, but it all came so fast and strong. I started to think of the worst, and TRIED to make myself think otherwise, to no avail.

E finally came out of the room after what seemed like hours, looking very sombre, very sad. She walked over, and said this to me in monotone.

"The doctor said, I am HIV positive."

Upon saying that, she burst into tears right in the middle of the clinic. Tears came rolling down my cheeks too. I was shocked, and this has to be the biggest 'bomb' of my life though its not actually happening to me. I could feel the scary truth turning reality, and this has to be my worst nightmare come true. I think we hugged and cried together for a good 5minutes before I gathered my thoughts and said,

"E, listen to me. Its not the end of the world. You still can lead a normal life. Just a tad different then the rest."

I dont know if it went into her head, but she stopped bawling. Just a sniffle here and there. I could see that she was really devastated. I was heartbroken too. Why Ellie? Why must it happen? Does she not deserve a chance? I dont know what to do to make her feel better, I mean, how to make it better when its going to bring around such a great change to her life?

I texted Trey to tell him about the bad news, and told him I'll call him back when I am home. I then accompnied Ellie home, and stayed over with her at her house. I guess this was the kind of time when you just dont feel like talking, yet you just want someone to be there. I hope my presence made her felt better, and showed her that I am really going to stay by her side. I mean, thats what friends are for, aint it so?

I called C while I was at E's house, to tell him about the test results, thinking that he might want to become E's pillar once again. But little did I know, he was totally indifferent about it. He didnt care. He said he didnt want a HIV+ girlfriend. I was shocked at his answer. I thought being together means you love the person and would help, care, and stay by her side when she needs you?

Apparently, thats not the case when you are HIV+.

Ellie, hearing that, cried real hard.

I never seen her so devastated ever in my life before. She lost Cameron, someone she really loved due to being HIV+. She has to deal with all the ostracism, scrutinity and everything else from the general public who are more than often, biased towards people with HIV+ due to the lack of knowledge of HIV. Also, in the future, if she were to have kids, they would have a high possibility of contracting HIV too. Many many other consequences. If only she thought of them, ...

The dire consequences of having unprotected sex are endless. You lose alot of valuable things in the end. Worth it or not, the ball is in your hands, you get to choose how you want your life to turn out. Making the right decisions can change your life- for the better or for the worst. Its all up to you to decide.

Trey and I both feel that abstinence from sex till marriage is still the best policy and I am definitely glad both of us are not giving in to any of the raging hormones and the adreline rush. Ellie regrets now, but its probably too late for regrets. What we can do now is learn from her mistakes and not follow in her footsteps. She probably wouldnt want the same fate to befall on anyone of us.

I dont know how life is going to change for E, but I know I'll be there for her. She knows too. Come what may, we shall break through all obstacles together, right E?

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